As parents and grandparents, we need to teach young girls that “No” is a complete sentence. Too often we stress being “kind” and “nice, ” but that can backfire. As recently as October 2016, a tape of then-candidate Donald J. Trump was released in which he spoke about grabbing women and boasted that when you’re a star, “they let you do it.” So much coverage was spent on Mr. Trump’s other crude remarks, that those last words went largely ignored.
Why would a woman ever allow this to happen?
The fact is, from a young age many girls are taught to be accommodating and respectful of other’s feelings. We internalize messages that sacrifice is good. That our own needs are somehow less important than another’s wants. And so “we let them do it.”
One of the frightening results is that girls and young women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence—nearly triple the national average. One out of every three high school teens will be in an abusive relationship. Shockingly, 4 out of 5 girls will continue to date their abusers. They will continue to “let them do it.”
How do we stop this from happening?
Promote messages of strength to every woman of every age:
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Loving yourself does not make you selfish. It makes you powerful.
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You deserve the same respect you give to others
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Give voice to your own experience. Speak up and speak out.
Educate yourself and those you love about abusive behavior, in all of its forms. Here are some great places to start:
About “Die for You.”
Not everything is as perfect as it seems in this dark romance.
Amy Fellner Dominy‘s book, “Die for You” takes a look at teenage relationship abuse. It’s the story of a young girl whose life is upended when her parent’s divorce and she’s forced to move in with her alcoholic father. She knows no one in her new school, but she meets Dillon who creates a haven for her. When Emma considers a future different that what Dillon had mapped out for them, his fear sends him into a dark spiral.
I agree- there is so much more than just learning to say no. My husband actually gave my daughters the talk because he gave examples of “sweet” things a guy will say to get what they want. We need to teach them about NO and also about double thinking before they say yes
I definitely agree with all three of those phrases. Girls/women have to speak out against dating violence so hopefully we can see a decline in the occurrences.
This post has a very powerful message. As much as we teach our daughters to learn to say “No,” we must also teach our sons to give their girlfriends/wives the respect they deserve. Just like teaching girls what to do to avoid being raped/molested, we must also teach boys not to take advantage by using their strength to get what they want from a girl.
In my opinion, women add more value to the world when they “challenge” men to become stronger, instead of trying to “protect” men from the big bad world around them.
Growing up, I always hated hurting the poor little fellers feelings when I would tell them no on dating. As I aged, this definitely became a problem and as an adult, I have vowed to teach my kids the difference between life and fairness.
As a mother to 2 girls, this issue really worries me. We definitely need to teach our children, both female and male, that “no” most definitely is complete sentence. It isn’t a suggestion, it doesn’t mean try harder, and it doesn’t mean do it anyway.
We definitely have to have the courage to say “no.” Others should have the integrity to listen too!
Both boys and girls need to understand that no is a complete sentence. People should speak out and advocate about subjects that are important and matter to them.
A: There is no reason for any young man – or older man, for that matter – to ever treat a woman this way.
B: Anyone who tries that business with my daughter is going to have a serious problem.
I cannot imagine this ever happening to my daughter. I try to instill in here the self-confidence to know that it is never okay to have a boy put a hand on her in anger or to make her do something she doesn’t wan to do.
This is such an utterly horrifying subject. Neither of my daughters are old enough to date yet, but I’ve already taught them about being safe. No boy is going to hurt my daughters.
This is a really important post. We should definitely teach our children the value of the word no.
This is such an important post. I don’t have any girl’s, but we taught our son to respect girls and that when a girl says NO, it means NO.
Thank you so much for sharing such an important post, as someone who was effected by this it is good to see the word getting out.
This is such an important post and needs to be talked about more often! Here’s to empowering our girls!
I totally agree with what you are saying here. I raised my daughter to be strong and independent and to stand up for herself. The biggest reason I did was so she would not fall victim to something like this.
This should start with a paradigm shift. Women are NOT the weaker sex. I have always been strong willed and speak my mind. I guess my daughter picked up on those characteristics and applied them in her own life too. Passing this on to my cousin who has 3 teen-aged daughters.
This is such an important topic. It needs to be talked about more with more information and help discussed.
very interesting topic to talk about with friends haha lol. i like to hear some comments about it from my friends, i should let them read this topic!
This is very informative. I think it is really important that we raise awareness about dating violence. Thanks so much for sharing this!
I am definitely teaching my daughter those 3 things! She sees me set the example, so I truly hope she is paying attention!
I had no idea that dating violence was as common as it, thanks for raising awareness about this.
This is such an important topic. It’s very important to sit down and have honest conversations with your girls.
This is so true. I would have to agree with thism we should raise stronger women, especially mentally and emotionally. We can’t keep allowing this to happen to our daughters.
Such an important topic – no woman should tolerate such poor treatment from anyone!
I can’t even imagine letting a guy treat me so poorly. Women need to be empowered to stand up for themselves.
I admit, women need the same respect and love which they shower on their families and asking the same in return won’t make them selfish. One must take stand for themselves else no one will respect them.