Grandma Meets my son Alex 1988 in her apartment in town
My step-grandmother was a fabulous woman. She was fun and sweet and I loved visiting her. She always had an intriguing story to tell about her life and that of the grandfather I was born too late to meet. She was quite scandalous in her youth and I love to hear her talk about it. It was during one of our visits that I noticed something was different. Not only did she not recognize me, she repeatedly called me by my mother’s name, even after I reminded her who I was. I left feeling it was more than just old age; something was very wrong.
Shortly after that visit she nearly burned down her house when she forgot to turn the coffee pot off. The liquid evaporated and the empty carafe started smoking. She did thousands of dollars in smoke damage to her home. It was then we knew that she had come to the age where she wasn’t going to be able to live so remotely any more.
Her guardian moved her to an apartment in town where she did well for a number of years with someone checking in on her daily. The state took away her driver’s license with the exception that she was still allowed to drive to the store a mile away (against my wishes!).
Grandma settled in and was feeling more comfortable when she started having accidents with the stove again. She switched to a hot plate and toaster, but it wasn’t long before her guardian move her to an assisted living facility for people with Alzheimer’s. It was the beginning of the end for her and she eventually succumb to the disease. I wish that while all of this was happening I would have had access to these Tips for Long Distance Caregiving written by Florence Matthews, Care Advocate. It would have made this very difficult time easier for all of us.
Tips for Long Distance Caregiving written by Florence Matthews, Care Advocate
While we were fortunate that she was just an hour away, many families have to deal with much larger distances. I think anyone in this position first panics, then feels helpless, and then feels overwhelmed. Matthews has put together a great checklist of information on how to handle the situation so that you can feel in control.
The piece of her advice that I find resonated with me is to gather information before a crisis happens. Be prepared with the loved one’s doctor’s information, what medications she’s taking, the local pharmacy number, and other avenues for care. Places like Meals on Wheel and Senior Services. All of this can be kept up-to-date in a care notebook – either manually or electronically. An electronic record can be shared with the care facility and other family members so that’d be my first choice.
Long-term care takes a village and there’s so much to keep track including legal obligations. But the most important part of being a caregiver is taking care of yourself. It’s like on airplanes when they do their emergency landing instructions. You put on your air mask first and then help others. Do it the other way around and no one survives.
If you’re caring for someone now, thank you. I know how tough it is and even if they can’t tell you, your loved one appreciates it. Check out the Tips for Long Distance Caregiving, there may be some help there you haven’t taken advantage of yet.
This post was inspired by Genworth Financial. All opinions are 100% my own. For more information about caregiving, visit the Genworth Financial website.
I liked your tips about gathering emergency information. I think I have it all but I really need to go over it all again to be sure.
Something I should do for my mother. She’s 74 and well, but that won’t always be the case and I have no idea what meds she’s on or even who her Dr. is. I better fix that.
Well, I can say, I don’t have all the emergency information at hand, if needed. I need to remedy this. Thank you for an informative post.
I love the tip about gather information before a crisis happens. I try to keep up to date on all my mom’s medical information. When you are at the emergency room or a doctor calls you, you have the information at your finger tips. It has helped me out of a bind many times. I am lucky because my mother’s doctor calls me a lot to make sure my mom is following through with what she is supposed to do.
Thank you for this post. I want to share it with my mom, who does a lot to help with her mom who is an hour away. Mama gets so stressed out and worn out….. she needs reminding to take care of herself and to get help and not try to do it all alone
Ah, yes. She’s in a tough spot. On top of caring for her mom, there’s all the emotional issues about realizing her mom will not be here soon and it reminds her that her time here is shortened as well. As I get older I feel myself throwing on the brakes wanting it to last longer.
Thank you for sharing this post and the link to the information. Some of these things I wouldn’t have thought of. We are a Military Family hoping to stay in for several more years with aging parents that live over 1,000 miles away it’s always a concern of ours how they are “really” doing without being able to visit them often. Invaluable advice.
It is a very tough job to be a caregiver. My poor Grandma cared Gramps his last 2 years and I do not see how she did it.
This post really hit home with me. My Mom has recently been moved into a nursing home and I live 2 1/2 hrs away from her. Talk about feeling guilty that I am not doing my share or being a good daughter. I have had 2 spine surgeries and my husband works 6 days a week with a commute of 120 miles a day. This leaves only Sunday to visit with her and getting on the road is the LAST thing my husband wants to do. I call her daily, but feel it is just not enough…
Kathleen,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’re calling and you care. That’s a lot. One thing I would suggest is send her mail. Resident’s LOVE getting mail. Even if she can’t read, someone will read it to her. A card, a note, whatever. It will make her day, promise!
And stuffed animals. As crazy as it sounds, the ladies loved when we brought them new animals. They carried them around the home with them.
Best of luck to you hon.
Connie
My mother and mother-in-law both had Alzheimer’s and have since passed away. It’s one of the most difficult things to watch a loved one, especially your mother, go through.
I’m so very sorry about your mother and mother-in-law. I agree about ALzheimers. It’s a horrible disease. Every time someone jokes about it I think to myself that they have no idea how unfunny it is. (((HUGS)))
Agreed! Thank you.