Multi-Generational Living
When my boys grew up and moved out I went through a few years of wondering how to redefine myself. Not because I’d lost myself in being a parent; but because I LOVED being a parent and now there wasn’t anyone left to parent.
The oldest son lived about 10 minutes away but as is his style, he didn’t come home often and we weren’t invited over. It’s not that he doesn’t love us, he does, it’s just he wanted to exert his independence and we let him. The youngest went off to college on the other side of the state and I got used to looking forward to the holidays and summer when he’d come home to live with us. But after a while he started staying in the college town or staying with his girlfriend in another city too far from home.
Those years were hard for me. Then we got word that the youngest, Alex, wanted to move home after his internship in Mississippi. I wrote about his homecoming and the way our society looks down upon multi-generational families living together; as if the only reason to do so is out of desperation and not out of choice and my frustration with the stigma attached to adult children living at home. It’s been a few months since then so I thought I’d take a moment to update the blog with what’s happening here.
Alex’s girlfriend moved in with us in October of 2011 and then he joined us in December, and they’ve been here now for 8 months. They’ve taken over the two “kids'” bedrooms and have brought with them a housecat named Sam who’s quite the charmer and a bit of a hellion. Both my son and his girlfriend work full-time , but Alex’s job is a temporary position – something he wouldn’t be able to do if he wasn’t living here. It’s a stepping stone on his career path and we’re happy to help him make choices based on long-term goals and not on paying this month’s rent.
We’ve managed to live in peace now all this time and through my dog’s cancer diagnosis and the annoyances that came with it (like him ruining our couch and love seat so we currently have nowhere to sit in the living room) and we’ve become accustomed to four adults sharing a refrigerator which can get quite messy at times, but we’re about to take on a whole new responsibility and it’s one we’ve started preparing for this week… the oldest is moving home. He too works full-time but he wants to save the money he pays in rent to make a hefty down payment on his own place. Again, we’re happy to help him make his dreams come true.
Still, as happy as we are to help our kids out, that’s five full-sized, living and breathing adults in one tiny three bedroom house. I know I said I missed my kids, but wow!
So as we prepare by moving my office upstairs and the couple downstairs and get rid of the 25-year stash of “kids” stuff stored in the garage, I have to giggle a bit – it’s my fault. I put it out there to the universe that I missed being a mom and the universe delivered. I guess I’m glad it did it this way and not by a new baby – that may have been too much.
Wish us luck as we start on this new journey as a family and if you have a vacation home we can borrow the hubby and I would appreciate it! 🙂
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You are going to have a house full. I have a family of six and do enjoy the quiet time I seldom get.
I hated the 4 years they were gone. I miss when our house was the hub of all the craziness!
Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.
So why when I wish to win the lottery does in not come true? 🙂
Good luck! I’m sure it will all work out 🙂
It’s not like we have a choice – it’s gotta work out! 🙂
GOOD LUCK! That will be a full house, but hope you’ll be happy to have your family around you. =)
I am – I missed them terribly!
I know how you feel! My three all moved out, went to college and now I have one back home, I never see him much, he works crazy long hours. I do make his lunch for him LOL. I tell my daughter she can move home while she is going to school to become a Medical Assistant. She says she really want to be independent and do it on her own, secretly I am happy about that. I enjoy my alone time 🙂
Funny thing is, I’m still alone a lot of the time. The hubby works a 24-hr shift and all of the kids work so I’m still here by myself most of the time.
Well enjoy the time. I also feel it’s better to live with others and save then move out.
Wow, you are going to have a house full! At least you’ll never be bored, right? ha ha! 🙂
Funny thing is we’re so rarely all home at the same time. Hubby works a 24-hr shift, son works late and future DIL works really early AM. The son moving back travels most of the month.
Good luck with your situation! Our kids are still youngish so we don’t have this issue. Yet. 😀
Good luck! I can image how tight the quarters are with that many people but I’m sure your never wanting for company.
What a great post. I personally wouldn’t want to live multi-generational-ly with my own parents, but I would not mind at all if, when they are old enough, my sons lived with us to save money or moved out and then moved back in. Multi-generational living doesn’t have the stigma in other countries that it has in the US.
I’ve always considered it a compliment that our kids want to live at home – you coudn’t pay me to live with my mother!
Good luck on your situation. I can’t sit in my living room either, my puppy ate the insides of the cushions one day when I had the covers in the wash.
Dogs! We’re going to buy a new sectional which I’ve been dying to buy for years, but until he finally passes away we’re not going to risk it so we have the largest room in the house without a thing in it to sit on. ;(